An Unrealistic Image
Local author seeks to understand society's obsession with weight in 'On a Desperate Journey' . . .

From InFocus Magazine, February/March 2007
Written by Laura Busheikin

"If I sat with two pills and said to a woman, 'If you take this pill you'll be skinny, and if you take this other one you may not be skinny but you'll be healthy for life. Most women are going to take the skinny pill," says Mia Sutherland, her voice rising in frustration.

Frustration because during her 20-year career in the fitness industry she has seen again and again how women's obsession with thinness made them unhealthy--both physically and psychologically. Frustration because she has seen first-hand how young girls' self-esteem abruptly drops when they hit their pre-teen years and begin comparing themselves to models, pop stars, actresses and other unrealistic media images of girls and women.

This frustration is part of what motivated Sutherland to decide to research and write a book she describes as "a simple approach to the complex issue of dieting."

But her main incentive, she says, was curiosity. Sutherland generally doesn't dally long with frustration; she'd rather move on to figuring things out and working on solutions. In early 2006, Sutherland was at a transition point in her life. She and her husband had recently sold their Courtenay business, Fitness Excellence, and she now had time to devote to a new direction. Her experience in the fitness industry had left her with questions, and now, she felt, was the time to explore them.

"I wanted to find out why weight is so important," says Sutherland, 39. "Working with women all those 20 years--the story was always the same. Very seldom does a woman join a gym to lower her blood pressure or her resting heart rate. They want a smaller butt, they want flatter abs, toned legs, and hey want to look like so-and-so.

Naturally slim, Sutherland never suffered with weight issues. "I just didn't get it. Why? Why?" She decided to find out. The result is her book, On a Desperate Journey, due out at the end of May. The book will coincide with the launch of an eight-week mentorship program called Get off the Diet Treadmill.

To research her book, Sutherland went straight to the source-women themselves. Late last August she put out a press release to Comox Valley newspapers asking for volunteers to come forward and talk about their histories with dieting and body image. Soon the phone began ringing with women willing to meet with Mia and answer 50 questions, ranging from how often they weigh themselves to if they think it is possible to love themselves.

Some met with Sutherland to talk in person; others took the questionnaire home to write their answers out in their own time and space. "In many ways, when people filled it out themselves it was almost more beneficial, because I wasn't there trying to interpret what they were trying to say," says Sutherland.

"What's most interesting is how courageous women are, to phone a stranger out of the newspaper and say I'm going to tell you my darkest secrets. It takes so much courage, yet look how many came forward," she says, leaning over to riffle through one of a stack of large binders on the floor. These contain the personal stories of close to 160 women and girls.

"Once I started asking why weight is so important, it was a bit like opening a Pandora's Box. I had to sit down and start listening, and listening, and listening," she says. Sutherland has taken the material from the questionnaires and mixed it with her own knowledge and expertise. The result is not, she cautions, yet another book telling us how to lose weight. There are already too many of those around.

"The diet industry was a $50 billion industry last year," she says, "yet North Americans are fatter than they have ever been. "Obviously, it doesn't work. Every year the diet industry gets richer and richer off of women's failures." Her book is emphatically not part of this industry.

"It's not a how-to book, it's a how-come book," says Sutherland. "This is a book that makes you really look deep inside yourself and ask: why do I do this? And what can I do to change?"

As well as exploring the roots of thin-obsession, Sutherland draws on her vast knowledge and experience to offer advice, information and motivation for people ready to move on. "The book is designed to help women get off the diet treadmill and get on with their lives," says Sutherland, adding that so many women are addicted to the concept of thinness. They may not suffer from an eating disorder, but they do have a problem--what Sutherland calls dysfunctional eating, characterized by incessant jumping on and off of diets, relentless negative thinking about their bodies and unhealthy eating patterns.

Too often, women let concerns about weight dominate their lives. "I worked one-on-one [as a personal trainer] with some women who for years wanted to lose 10 pounds. It became the only thing that was important to them. Women go through their entire lives dieting and worrying about the way they look--imagine putting all that energy toward making the changes you need to make."

Sutherland's book provides inspiration and information to help readers make the necessary changes in lifestyle and eating habits. There are many practical changes women can make in their exercise habits and eating patterns, such as portion control and learning to graze. Such changes are essential, she says, but the real key is elsewhere--in something so simple and oft-repeated it's almost trite, and yet it is so hard to achieve: women must learn self-love.

"The most important change and the most difficult one is self-acceptance. It's okay if you have a big butt, it's okay if you're flat-chested--it's doesn't define who you are. Who you are is defined by what's inside of you. That's the hardest part for women to get," she says.

Self-love isn't some magical quality you're either born with or not. It's something that grows with the right conditions, and there are practical steps people can take to nurture it. "You need to create a positive environment around yourself," says Sutherland. "Start focusing all your energy on what's positive in life. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, and with positive information." This isn't as easy as it sounds, because our media bombards us daily with messages implying that ultra-thin is ultra-good.

The best thing you can do for yourself, says Sutherland, is "shut the bloody TV off. Or if you're going to watch something, watch something educational." The media is the worst culprit for creating 'ideal' images, she says. To illustrate this, Sutherland talks about her work with girls in the school system, a program she initiated last spring, in the early days of planning her book.

"In my mind, kids are a big chunk of the puzzle. It starts somewhere, and I wanted to where." Sutherland set up a meeting with the Superintendent of Schools and presented a proposal. The Superintendent likes it, it got the green light from the School Board, and last fall she began working with groups of girls in three schools--Aspen Middle School, Highland Secondary and Huband Elementary.

The girls, who volunteer for the program, meet with Sutherland during class time. Using pictures and word association, she guides them through discussions and written explorations looking at how they feel about their bodies and where these feelings come from.

Her findings fascinated her. The influence of the media was clear--and disturbing. "When I asked the girls in Grades 4 to 6 who their role models were, they almost unanimously said their mom. All these little Grade 4 to 6 girls, they love themselves--they have no issues with their bodies. When I asked them why they chose their moms, they said she's hard-working and nurturing and caring--never because she was thin. "But then, starting in Grade 7, this changes," notes Sutherland. "Less than 15 per cent picked their moms. Somewhere in that summer between Grades 6 and 7 something happens." This transition marks some kind of tipping point where self confidence dwindles and the question, 'Am I good enough?' begins.

"The top picks for role models for that age group are [celebrities] Avril Lavigne, Hilary Duff and the Olsen Twins. And when I ask why, it's always that she's pretty, she has great clothes, she's famous, she has beautiful hair."

Children who have less exposure to media think differently, says Sutherland. "I can pinpoint three kids raised without cable. The difference between those kids and the rest is black and white. There was also one girl from a family where there was no pop, no fast foods, no junk foods, and there were sit-down home-cooked meals, and just watching what they brought to the lunch table--she was on a different plane than the other girls. And when I asked them how they deal with stress most girls said talk on the phone, eat, watch TV, and she said she goes for a run or does yoga."

Parents also play a role, and need to be aware of the examples they set for their children. "The subtleties that young girls pick up on are frightening," says Sutherland. "For instance, one girl described her mother, standing sideways every day in front of the mirror with her bra and panties and asking her daughter, 'Do I look thinner today?'" Mothers, too often, are just as in thrall to media images as their pre-teen and teen daughters.

"As adults looking at the women from Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives--it's equally dysfunctional," she adds. "Both demographics are trying to achieve something not realistic. The little girls are looking up to girls who are already getting plastic surgery and paying someone $5,000 a day to do their hair and makeup and wardrobes. It's no different from what the adults are emulating. They've had their teeth done, their boobs done, they've been sucked and nipped and tucked--it's not real.

"So here we are sitting for hours a night staring at the TV getting these messages about 'Oh my God I'm the same age as her but I'm fat and my boobs are droopy and I have grey hair--meanwhile she's spent thousands of dollars to look that way.'"

Adds Sutherland: "When you sit down and think about it, we do it to ourselves." Although Sutherland's book focuses on women and girls, she knows boys are not immune from dysfunctional eating. "I can't believe how many of the women I interviewed asked why I'm not including information about boys and men. Women told me their sons are saying things like, 'Do I look fat?' One said her son will only eat one portion of dinner because he's afraid he won't be able to see his six-pack anymore. The media isn't just doing this to women anymore. Look at the guys in the ads--that's what boys are trying to emulate now."

The good news is that there are clearly definable and achievable steps that anyone can take to free themselves from negative body beliefs and from the tyranny of dieting. These make up the heart of Sutherland's upcoming mentorship program, Get Off the Diet Treadmill.

"This will go hand-in-hand with the book," says Sutherland. "I'm very excited about this program. I hope everyone who takes it becomes enlightened--health enlightened." The mentorship program will be offered at Fitness Excellence beginning April 23. Sutherland is offering three different sessions: women only, men only and couples. Education is the focus of the program. "I'll be teaching people how to make the life changes they need to get on with living," she says. "These changes are challenging, but they are also rewarding.

"For instance, exercise does not necessarily mean joining a gym. Everyone needs to pick what they love and do it for life. It could be belly dancing. It could be walking backwards. You need to love it."

And she has good news--loving to eat is not a problem. In fact, many people with weight issues need to re-learn how to eat. They have spent so many years worrying about food, feeling guilty about food, and fighting inwardly about food that they've forgotten how to simply enjoy it.

"The key to weight loss is not not eating, but the opposite-it's about eating responsibly," Sutherland says.

Education about healthy food choices is also essential, she adds, though is quick to point out that she doesn't want to just present yet another boring lecture that will make people tune out. "People just hear blah, blah, blah, you need to reduce the fat in your diet, blah, blah, blah, you need to eat breakfast, blah, blah, blah. You have to tell them why it is important. They need to understand the consequences."

Sutherland will also encourage participants to keep a journal to learn more about themselves and their relationship with food. At the same time, the program will make certain demands of participants.

"There will be a huge accountability factor--to me, to others in the program, and especially to themselves," she says. Real change, after all, is rarely achieved without commitment.

You couldn't find a much better model of accountability, achievement and health than Sutherland.

She and her husband opened Fitness Excellence 10 years ago. When they sold it last year, it was successful enough that Sutherland could enjoy a year off to write her book. When asked about her success, Sutherland doesn't mention profits, market share, or the competitors they vanquished. Instead, she talks about how the business contributed to the community.
"We did many phenomenal projects--we raised more than $60,000 for individuals and organizations in the community," she says. "We were extremely dedicated to the concept of wellness in the Valley and we gave it absolutely everything we had."

It helps that she is a methodical person, who, when she decides to do something, "works out the shortest distance from A to B." When she decided to write the book, Sutherland worked out a timeline. "I did some preliminary work in June in order to start in the second week of September. That is when I started and I write every day. I treat it as a job, although my family and exercise come first," she says. "Every morning I get my husband and son off to work and school, then I exercise, then I come here and work."
Her office is tidy and uncluttered, although not oppressively so. A big white-board on the wall lists all the chapters of the book; binders and tidy piles of folders on the floor below it hold pages and pages of completed questionnaires and notes. She will finish the book as planned at the end of March, for publication in May.

Rather than waiting around to find a publisher--not an easy task in today's market--she's planning on self-publishing.

But for all her entrepreneurial achievement, Sutherland is approachable and relaxed. Her self-confidence feels reassuring, not overbearing, and her fervor for her subject never veers into the dogmatic. She is clearly someone at ease with herself, and someone who is doing what she loves.

"I've never done anything in my life I've enjoyed as much as this book," Sutherland confirms. "It's been educational and inspiring. And I'm so grateful to all the women who have volunteered for the project. Without them I'd have nothing.

"I'm going to do another book when this one is done," she adds. "I'm planning something called the Diet Treadmill Journal and also am thinking about a book called Kids Don't Diet. I'd also like to expand my work into a multitude of other facets related to this topic."

In the meantime, she has a book to finish.